~  Lucky's Final Chapter  ~

July 20, 1987 ~  July 1, 2003

We always said Lucky had "angel wings", because of the triangular shaped marking on his left shoulder.  He had a similar marking on the right shoulder, but it wasn't as defined.  We also dubbed him "the sweetest one of all", because of his *incredibly* sweet disposition.  He never picked any fights, and always ran from those that the others started.  He was truly an angel to us, and still is ... and will always be.

It was June 23, 2003, and I decided to take Lucky and Buster to the vet to check their blood levels.  Both had some stage of chronic renal failure, and Buster has other things that require occasional monitoring.  I was out of work with a bad back, so I had the time to do it.  If my back hadn't gone out a couple weeks before, I would have been working six days, and the outcome may have been prolonged.  Who knows?

I probably wouldn't have taken Lucky, too ... except I had noticed he'd been having a little labored breathing and I wanted to find out what was up with that.  Chest X-rays were done, and they found a little fluid in the chest cavity and an enlarged heart ... cardiomyopathy.  We also did an echocardiogram the next day, to find out how bad and send the results to a cardiologist.  It didn't really grab me hard, cause Buster also had it, related to his other illnesses.  But the diagnosis required treatment, so they prescribed a quarter pill of Diltiazem three times a day, and a baby aspirin every three days.

I should have thought about Lucky's sensitivities.  I don't know why I didn't.  In retrospect, they were right there ... things I should have remembered ... things I should have known.  I remember when he was neutered ... he wasn't right for about a month after that.  His brother Bosun, that was neutered the same day, came home that day, puked on the carpet and said, "What operation?"  I didn't think about the tape worm pills I used to have to give him ... how he would throw them up almost immediately.  Yes, he was a very sensitive cat ... to everything ... including medication.  

But I just didn't think about it ... I followed the prescription directions.  They had drained the fluid from his chest on Tuesday, and that allowed him to breathe easier.  If I had just left it at that, it probably would have gotten worse again ... and the cardiomyopathy would have gotten worse.  We would have lost him anyway ... at some point.  Two months down the road ... six months ... maybe longer, maybe not.  What I do know is that the medications made him sick ... violently sick.  By the time we cut them off a week later, it was too late.  I was hoping he would recover, but the damage had already been done.  

On Monday, June 30th, things took a terrible turn for the worse.  Late that evening, he began vomiting.  He'd been having trouble with that, but it got worse ... and it was different.  I called the vet emergency line.  He called me back and agreed to meet me at the clinic.  I took him in around 11:30 PM.  The vet thought maybe it was blood Lucky was throwing up, but I thought it was probably bile.  He didn't see it, I did.  He gave him a shot for nausea and an enema for constipation.  Poor little guy ... he was so miserable.  He scheduled Lucky for more X-rays the next day.  He asked if I wanted to leave him over night or make an appointment.  I thought about Q-Tip, and how miserable he had been there when he was hospitalized, so I opted for an appointment for the next morning and took him home for the night.  I figured he'd be more comfortable.  He threw up blood on the way home.  I was really worried.

They did more X-rays the following day, and gave him another shot for nausea.  I talked with the vet quite awhile.  She suggested that we may want to take him to a specialist in Jacksonville.  I told her no.  What could a specialist do?  Put him on more medication he can't tolerate?  Operate?  He wasn't a good candidate for surgery, that was out of the question.  I told her if it came to that, I would just put him to sleep.  I didn't want him to have to suffer through all that.  But I still thought, without giving him anymore medications, he could get back on track ... at least for a little while.  I wanted to just take him home and not take him back to the vet for awhile, cause it was so traumatic for him.  He was just so sensitive.

I was at a local animal charity meeting on Tuesday evening, July 1st.  I really didn't want to leave the house that night, but I had some things to bring up at the meeting and had done a bit of research and had some handouts to give everybody.  I thought I could disappear for a couple of hours and Lucky would just sleep ... maybe his stomach would calm down a bit.  After the meeting was over, I got caught up chatting with a couple of people.  I kept looking at my watch, knowing I should be headed home ... wondering how Lucky was.  I had told Tom to call if there was a problem ... and the cell phone hadn't rung.  I was hoping everything was okay.

When I got home, Tom was sitting on the couch, cradling Lucky in his arms.  Lucky's eyes were open, and his mouth slightly open.  I couldn't tell, so I asked what was going on.  Tom said he didn't know ... didn't know if Lucky had died in his arms or what.  I went over to feel his chest, to see if I could feel him breathing.  I couldn't.  I talked to him sweetly, kissed his face, and felt for a purr ... nothing.  I went to get my stethoscope to be sure ... there was no response from him at all, but I wasn't ready to admit he was gone.  I checked for a heartbeat, and it wasn't there.  He had died minutes before my return.  I was devastated.

I tried to do the right thing, by doing all the tests and giving him all the medications, to help prolong his life.  I would *never* have done that if I had known what the outcome would be.  He was in agony those last couple of days.  I thought about Buster, and how far down he had gone a year and a half before.  How he and I, both, struggled to make him better.  How he rallied.  His quality of life is pretty good.  I thought I could make it so for Lucky as well.  I'd give anything to relive that last week.  I would do it differently.  But we don't get to do that.  Lucky passed away just 19 days prior to his 16th birthday.  I just hope, wherever he is, he understands ... and knows how very much I love him.